About a week back at a hotel I was staying in, I noticed a grasshopper which was walked over. It made me ponder over death for a while. This random shit was generated out of that.
Death does not make any sense. But not everything has to have sense. It is all chaos and we try to find order in it. Become happy when we find a pattern or two. Or find some pattern followers. Or become one of them. But chaos rules any-day.
Have you noticed the path smoke takes?
Fluid. Against the gravity, with a mind of its own. A trail that is untraceable by all but smoke from the same source. It follows a pattern but hidden in that is chaos. Particles collide against each other every second when each of them tries to move. You still do not believe in chaos hypothesis of mine?
Out of Petabytes of data on the internet you chose to come here somehow to read this. Just imagine what might you be doing now if you were not reading this line.
Viewing cat images? Watching some video on youtube? Shopping for festivals? Deleting your history? Picking your nose?Push-ups? Anything and everything. It is next to incomprehension.
Every second you have got unlimited choices to make. You do make one of them : something happens and then you again respond to it and again something happens. Each decision you make takes you down a tree where each level offers you roughly as many options as the previous one, except in one case. And each of those decision creates innumerable changes in what you will experience down the time. Not picking up the phone will be very different than picking it up. Even picking it up the second time will be different than picking it up when the first time because time passed, t=0s is t=5s now.
Time went out the window. So U N R E A L.
You can not climb up the tree. Only traverse down and make choices.
And even when you are not making a choice, you are making a choice.
You are an agent of chaos. With each decision you are creating more randomness in the universe and place around you. Each move casting a spell of chaos!
The only one case when your options are not same as the previous one is Death.
Chaos for you ends because you end. But in that termination too you create enough chaos for others.
Life is like a buggy Depth First Search code which throws null pointer exception at run time when it encounters death. No, its Depth-only-search where the search logic is random at each node and it is terminated at death.
Still, life is too random. That’s why intelligent people try to make sense of it by connecting the dots backward while they are alive.
Because sense doesn’t make any sense for you when you are dead.
Another Agent of Chaos.
The Dead Grasshopper
Its intestine visibly out
Against its will.
Squashed by some boot
In a hastened drill.
So quick and muted
No one noticed its shrill.
Ants will come.
Ants will go.
Ants will be trampled.
Ants will carry.
Ants will come.
Ants will go.
N.B. : Extras are innumerable. Make sure you are not one of them.
How much I have wanted to appear
Though that version did not exist
Like one of the words above.
I fooled them
Those well timed pauses
Those smart-phone gazes
Those hand gestures and big words
Those combed and neatly parted hair
Gelled with precision.
You looked at it
You looked through it
Directly into my eyes
Passage to the soul they say
Brief contact of bareness
As if naked souls
I closed the only pass
Timings are important
Even when its someones soul.
That brief exchange
And I lusted for more.
It was new thing to do
Adventurous than appearing anything
Then it became a ritual
A purifying one
Looking into each others soul
Gaze strongly as possible
It sanitized everything
Evaporating the cosmetic
And be what we were
Your eyes gazed coldly
Like the temperature of the morgue
You were lying in.
Today they looked emptyly
Even if nothing like that exists
I was not scared
I have never been of you
Except the first day
When I closed my eyelids
Today I close yours.
I dislike the vulgarly blaring loudspeakers
I hate the honks of trucks and cars make in the jam
I hate noise in general.
I am scared of silence.
Noise crisscrosses the temporary and cancels.
Silence adds up the past, the permanent
Becomes heavy :
Defects damages and deaths…
Then silence becomes visible and grueling to tolerate.
The cacophony is too clear to avoid
Harsher than noise of vulgar loudspeakers.
Shriller than the honks.
In noise things are lost,
We hear a lot but listen nothing.
We hear nothing but listen a lot
And listening to silence is deafening.
Everything has healed
With the elixir.
There is satisfaction
That is Petrichor.
If you feel overwhelmed, breathe. It will calm you and release the tensions.
If you are worried about something coming up, or caught up in something that already happened, breathe. It will bring you back to the present.
If you are moving too fast, breathe. It will remind you to slow down, and enjoy life more.
Breathe, and enjoy each moment of this life. They’re too fleeting and few to waste.
By Leo Babauta
We always reach where we started from, it is what we do on the round trip that matters.
Four years ago, I left Patna to join NIT Jamshedpur with excitement and mild disappointment post-JEE results.
Yesterday I left Jamshedpur to reach Patna with even more excitement, lots of experiences, memories, luggage, almost an engineering degree and a whistle.
And I did a lot on this round trip.
The infrastructure at NIT is terrible but it is the zeal of people there that keeps thing moving. I was fortunate enough to interact with lots of talented and passionate people – seniors, juniors and batchmates who go beyond their limits and encourage others to do the same. They inspire me and will continue to do so forever.
I learned a lot of things here, amongst all of them most valuable one was completing things overnight. Be it assignments, projects, examination prep, apps, robots, TV series, movies or making movies, everything done with perfection before deadline.
The level of enjoyment hostel has offered us was exceptional -“naina alqaeda level”. Let us not ruin this post by talking about mess food but
the time spent on the mess’ tables will always be remembered.
The post-dinner walks, discussions, ojass, kavi-sammelan… with all will be cherished lifelong…
Parting is painful but for some ungodly reason I have not felt sadness or pain yet. Maybe I am yet to come to terms with reality but I am really happy that all of us have graduated to another phase of life. The phase where we will take things head on and solve problems, create better things for humanity.
“Hum jahan bhi jayenge chamatkar pe chamatkar karenge or NIT jamshedpur ka naam roshan karenge!!”
#nitjsr #signingoff #cse2k10 #adieuNITJSR
my mother pulled me out
from her, within her
to this world – cruel at times, beautiful at others
it sure is a strange world
i cry, i crawl, i walk, i run, i grow tall
i fight, i suffocate, i win, i lose, i laugh
i brawl, i sob, i hide it all
From about me of amira.
I had a chance of visiting Howrah recently. It is not that Howrah station is new to me. I have been visiting it two point five times a year on an average since 2010.
The first time I stepped down at Howrah was in 2010 to give an Engineering Entrance Test. It was an average May morning.The overcrowded place reminded me of my grandmothers description ‘when you will visit Calcutta, there will be a sea of people..’, there before me were uncountable human beings walking with whatever luggage they could afford in random directions.
The thing that amazed me most was the rail tracks ended all of a sudden!
The station was a terminal.
This was a lot different than Patna Junction where people boast of a station that connects all major cities of India.
That day the sudden end of tracks reminded me about discontinuous functions and how painful it would be to integrate them piece wise; I was high on maths those days.
But ain’t these tracks integrated everyday by the billions of commuters who travel across the length and breadth of the country?
They are.But I digress.
The summer of Howrah is made unbearable by the moisture contributed by the river. You have to bath each time you come back to hotel.
My couple of days spent led me to the hypothesis that Kolkata is the city with largest smoking population, which I solemnly believe till date. Anytime and every time I left the hotel, a smoker would appear before the other one was out of sight : the man talking on phone, street-side vendor selling datun and beedi, a man crossing road, a man peeing in corner, rickshaw-driver and cab-drivers.
A smoking cab-driver.
That is how we met our driver waiting for us on the latest visit a week back.
Well, we do not mind smokers in Kolkata. Do we?
However, he was polite enough to not smoke inside the royal ambassador.
But his politeness evaporated as he started driving. Relying too much on brake fluid he stepped on the brakes real hard, accelerated normally but yelled and cursed almost each driver he overtook. We had many narrow escapes sometimes from barriers sometimes from buses and sometime from cyclists.
Smoke and rash driving have seeped into the culture of Kolkata and no one seems to mind it.
While tracks and roads never end, journeys should. They should end safely. Howrah is a place where infinitely long rail tracks end too. Shouldn’t journeys end safely there too?