Dear Agent of Chaos

About a week back at a hotel I was staying in, I noticed a grasshopper which was walked over. It made me ponder over death for a while. This random shit was generated out of that.

Death does not make any sense. But not everything has to have sense. It is chaos and we try to find order in it. Become happy when we find a pattern or two. Or find some pattern followers. Or become one of them. But chaos rules anyday. Have you noticed the path smoke takes.
Fluid. Against the gravity, with a mind of its own. A trail that is untraceable by all but smoke from the same source. It follows a pattern but hidden in that is chaos. Particles collide against each other every second when each of them tries to move. You still do not believe in chaos hypothesis of mine?
Out of PetaBytes of data on the internet you chose to come here somehow to read this. Just imagine what might you be doing now if you were not reading this line.
Viewing random cat images? Watching some random video on you tube? Shopping for festivals? Deleting your history? Picking your nose?Push-ups? Anything and everything. It is not comprehensible.

Every second you have got unlimited choices to make. You do make one of them : something happens and then you again respond to it and again something happens. Each decision you make takes you down a tree where each level offers you roughly as many options as the previous one, except in one case. And each of those decision creates innumerable changes in what you will experience down the time. Not picking up the phone will be very different than picking it up. Even picking it up the second time will be different than picking it up when the first time because time passed, t=0s is t=5s now.

Time went out the window. So  U N R E A L.

You can not climb the tree. Only traverse down and make choices.
And even when you are not making a choice, you are making a choice.
You are an agent of chaos. With each decision you are creating more randomness in the universe and place around you.

The only one case when your options are not same as the previous one is Death.
Chaos for you ends because you end. But in that termination too you create enough chaos for others. 
Life is like a buggy Depth First Search code which throws null pointer exception at run time when it encounters death. No, its Depth-only-search where the search logic is random at each node and it is terminated at death.

Still, life is too random. That’s why intelligent people try to make sense of it by connecting the dots backward while they are alive.
Because sense doesn’t make any sense for you when you are dead.

Another Agent of Chaos.
——————–

The Dead Grasshopper

Trampled Grasshopper
Lying still.
Its intestine visibly out
Against its will.
Squashed by some boot
In a hastened drill.
So quick and muted
No one noticed its shrill.

———————————

Photographie : Again Again

Some of my clicks. No software was used to enhance any of the image. For camera details  click on the pictures.

Other photos are here
Photographie : Again

Photographie

Morgued Gaze

How much I have wanted to appear
Cooler
Better
Smarter
Beautifuler
Though that version did not exist
Like one of the words above.

And
I fooled them
With
Those ornaments
Those well timed pauses
Those smart-phone gazes
Those hand gestures and big words
Those combed and neatly parted hair
Gelled with precision.

But
Not you
You looked at it
And then
You looked through it
Directly into my eyes
Passage to the soul they say
Brief contact of bareness
Direct touch
As if naked souls
Then
Averted
I closed the only pass
Eyelids.
Timings are important
When visiting
Even when its someones soul.

That brief exchange
And I lusted for more.
It was new thing to do
Adventurous than appearing anything
Even beautifuler.

Then it became a ritual
A purifying one
Looking into each others soul
Gaze strongly as possible
It sanitized everything
Evaporating the cosmetic
And be what we were
Until today.

Your eyes gazed coldly
Like the temperature of the morgue
You were lying in.
Today they looked emptyly
Even if nothing like that exists
I was not scared
I have never been of you
Except the first day
When I closed my eyelids
Today I close yours.

Restless

Image credits http://www.cutehappyquotes.com/ Will be removed if cutehappyquotes has issues

Your messages
Why don’t they arrive!

For the past hour
Every now and then
I have picked the phone
With eagerness.
Unlocked it
Disappointed
Locked it again.
Logged on the computer
Refreshed the page
A hundred times.
Ah.
That ting-tong I heard
Raises me a bit.
I unlock only to see
That stupid promotional thing.
Disappointment hits hard.
I can not stay quiet.
I can not call you even.
I can not do a thing
Except reading
Our history.
Documented word by word, in the logs
Your smileys, how cute they appear
Interspersed between the lines
Here and there.
As if you really loved.
Really cared.
But,
It’s been fifteen minutes
And you have not replied yet.
17 to be precise.
Maybe you don’t care.
But maybe you do.
This is a thin straw of probability
And I cling to it
Dearly.

Then brilliantly I do it again.
Over and over
Locking unlocking
Picking up
Putting down
Refreshing
Re-reading the history.
History has never appealed to me.
History is mostly made up
By powerful people.
But not this one
We are not powerful people.
Atleast I am not.
This one is not made up.
It is true to every word, comma, colon
Asterisk, brace, exclamation mark and those dots..
Which mean nothing but mean so much.
Possibilities period.
I move in my chair
Try to rock it
Try to spin it around
Unlike the pending assignments
I can not shrug you off.
Nor the thoughts of you.
You do have power
Power over me.
Wait!
You are powerful.
Is this history made up too?
Deliberately edited when live?
And its been more than thirty minutes now.
No, this could not be true
XOXO’s were only for me.
That straw might be thin
But it is strong.

As they say history haunts
But this history solaces
If only for a while.
I realise now
Ticks, single or double
Both can pierce with their rather blunt edges.

In all this
Unlocking locking and refreshing
I am trapped.
Stale as the chat history
Locked as if in a time warp
Restless.
—————————————————————————————————-
Image credits http://www.cutehappyquotes.com/

Photographie : Again

I picked up the camera once again.Photography is catching up with me.
Heres the second batch of my shots. Took them on July Tenth.
Click to enlarge and just in case if you missed the first batch here’s the link.

Critiques welcome!

Photographie

Everything looks so easy until you try doing it.
I had always thought of capturing images an easy task, one that requires not much skill but the right equipment. But today I realised how wrong my perception had been when I myself tried shooting, I had the right equipment : a Nikon D5100 of a friend lying around, but not the skills. After a lot of adjustments and help from Rohit I managed to get it right.
Photography requires not only the knowledge of balancing light, color and other technicalities but also a lot of patience, stillness and ability to appreciate the moment as it is.
Click on these to enlarge.

I am a bit hooked to photography.
Buying a camera is on my priority list now.

Cacophony Of Silence

whitenoiseI dislike the vulgarly blaring loudspeakers
I hate the honks of trucks and cars make in the jam
I hate noise in general.
But,
I am scared of silence.

Noise crisscrosses the temporary and cancels.
Whereas,
Silence adds up the past, the permanent
Becomes heavy :
Lost battles
Neglected wounds
Forgotten heartbreaks
Painful deceits
Defects damages and deaths…

Then silence becomes visible and grueling to tolerate.
The cacophony is too clear to avoid
Harsher than noise of vulgar loudspeakers.
Shriller than the honks.

In noise things are lost,
We hear a lot but listen nothing.
In silence,
We hear nothing but listen a lot
And listening to silence is deafening.

Missed Call

MissedCall

I was thinking about you
And suddenly you appeared
On the ridiculously large display
I was staring at.

Alerted and still
I shook
By the tremor it caused
In my hands and heart.

Vibrations and ring tones can be painful
At times
Voluntarily, I tried to gather courage while
Involuntarily, my right thumb silenced it
To ease the pain that I wanted.

Muffled, in my hands you became still
But on the ridiculously large display you still smiled
Maybe love can’t be asphyxiated
That easily by pressing buttons.

I missed your call just now
But I have missed you for too long.

zenhabits.net

Breathe.
If you feel overwhelmed, breathe. It will calm you and release the tensions.
If you are worried about something coming up, or caught up in something that already happened, breathe. It will bring you back to the present.
If you are moving too fast, breathe. It will remind you to slow down, and enjoy life more.
Breathe, and enjoy each moment of this life. They’re too fleeting and few to waste.

By Leo Babauta

 

A Round Trip To Remember

We always reach where we started from, it is what we do on the round trip that matters.
Four years ago, I left Patna to join NIT Jamshedpur with excitement and mild disappointment post-JEE results.
Yesterday I left Jamshedpur to reach Patna with even more excitement, lots of experiences, memories, luggage, almost an engineering degree and a whistle.
And I did a lot on this round trip.
The infrastructure at NIT is terrible but it is the zeal of people there that keeps thing moving. I was fortunate enough to interact with lots of talented and passionate people – seniors, juniors and batchmates who go beyond their limits and encourage others to do the same. They inspire me and will continue to do so forever.
I learned a lot of things here, amongst all of them most valuable one was completing things overnight. Be it assignments, projects, examination prep, apps, robots, TV series, movies or making movies, everything done with perfection before deadline.

The level of enjoyment hostel has offered us was exceptional -“naina alqaeda level”. Let us not ruin this post by talking about mess food but
the time spent on the mess’ tables will always be remembered.
The post-dinner walks, discussions, ojass, kavi-sammelan… with all will be cherished lifelong…

Parting is painful but for some ungodly reason I have not felt sadness or pain yet. Maybe I am yet to come to terms with reality but I am really happy that all of us have graduated to another phase of life. The phase where we will take things head on and solve problems, create better things for humanity.

“Hum jahan bhi jayenge chamatkar pe chamatkar karenge or NIT jamshedpur ka naam roshan karenge!!”
‪#‎nitjsr‬ ‪#‎signingoff‬ ‪#‎cse2k10‬ ‪#‎adieuNITJSR‬

Of Howrah

I had a chance of visiting Howrah recently. It is not that Howrah station is new to me. I have been visiting it two point five times a year on an average since 2010.

The first time I stepped down at Howrah was in 2010 to give an Engineering Entrance Test. It was an average May morning.The overcrowded place reminded me of my grandmothers description ‘when you will visit Calcutta, there will be a sea of people..’, there before me were uncountable human beings walking with whatever luggage they could afford in random directions.

The thing that amazed me most was the rail tracks ended all of a sudden!
The station was a terminal.
This was a lot different than Patna Junction where people boast of a station that connects all major cities of India.
That day the sudden end of tracks reminded me about discontinuous functions and how painful it would be to integrate them piece wise; I was high on maths those days.
But ain’t these tracks integrated everyday by the billions of commuters who travel across the length and breadth of the country?
They are.But I digress.

The summer of Howrah is made unbearable by the moisture contributed by the river. You have to bath each time you come back to hotel.

My couple of days spent led me to the hypothesis that Kolkata is the city with largest smoking population, which I solemnly believe till date. Anytime and every time I left the hotel, a smoker would appear before the other one was out of sight : the man talking on phone, street-side vendor selling datun and beedi, a man crossing road, a man peeing in corner, rickshaw-driver and cab-drivers.

A smoking cab-driver.
That is how we met our driver waiting for us on the latest visit a week back.
Well, we do not mind smokers in Kolkata. Do we?
However, he was polite enough to not smoke inside the royal ambassador.
But his politeness evaporated as he started driving. Relying too much on brake fluid he stepped on the brakes real hard, accelerated normally but yelled and cursed almost each driver he overtook. We had many narrow escapes sometimes from barriers sometimes from buses and sometime from cyclists.

Smoke and rash driving have seeped into the culture of Kolkata and no one seems to mind it.

While tracks and roads never end, journeys should. They should end safely. Howrah is a place where infinitely long rail tracks end too. Shouldn’t journeys end safely there too?