Morgued Gaze

How much I have wanted to appear
Cooler
Better
Smarter
Beautifuler
Though that version did not exist
Like one of the words above.

And
I fooled them
With
Those ornaments
Those well timed pauses
Those smart-phone gazes
Those hand gestures and big words
Those combed and neatly parted hair
Gelled with precision.

But
Not you
You looked at it
And then
You looked through it
Directly into my eyes
Passage to the soul they say
Brief contact of bareness
Direct touch
As if naked souls
Then
Averted
I closed the only pass
Eyelids.
Timings are important
When visiting
Even when its someones soul.

That brief exchange
And I lusted for more.
It was new thing to do
Adventurous than appearing anything
Even beautifuler.

Then it became a ritual
A purifying one
Looking into each others soul
Gaze strongly as possible
It sanitized everything
Evaporating the cosmetic
And be what we were
Until today.

Your eyes gazed coldly
Like the temperature of the morgue
You were lying in.
Today they looked emptyly
Even if nothing like that exists
I was not scared
I have never been of you
Except the first day
When I closed my eyelids
Today I close yours.

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Restless

Image credits http://www.cutehappyquotes.com/ Will be removed if cutehappyquotes has issues

Your messages
Why don’t they arrive!

For the past hour
Every now and then
I have picked the phone
With eagerness.
Unlocked it
Disappointed
Locked it again.
Logged on the computer
Refreshed the page
A hundred times.
Ah.
That ting-tong I heard
Raises me a bit.
I unlock only to see
That stupid promotional thing.
Disappointment hits hard.
I can not stay quiet.
I can not call you even.
I can not do a thing
Except reading
Our history.
Documented word by word, in the logs
Your smileys, how cute they appear
Interspersed between the lines
Here and there.
As if you really loved.
Really cared.
But,
It’s been fifteen minutes
And you have not replied yet.
17 to be precise.
Maybe you don’t care.
But maybe you do.
This is a thin straw of probability
And I cling to it
Dearly.

Then brilliantly I do it again.
Over and over
Locking unlocking
Picking up
Putting down
Refreshing
Re-reading the history.
History has never appealed to me.
History is mostly made up
By powerful people.
But not this one
We are not powerful people.
Atleast I am not.
This one is not made up.
It is true to every word, comma, colon
Asterisk, brace, exclamation mark and those dots..
Which mean nothing but mean so much.
Possibilities period.
I move in my chair
Try to rock it
Try to spin it around
Unlike the pending assignments
I can not shrug you off.
Nor the thoughts of you.
You do have power
Power over me.
Wait!
You are powerful.
Is this history made up too?
Deliberately edited when live?
And its been more than thirty minutes now.
No, this could not be true
XOXO’s were only for me.
That straw might be thin
But it is strong.

As they say history haunts
But this history solaces
If only for a while.
I realise now
Ticks, single or double
Both can pierce with their rather blunt edges.

In all this
Unlocking locking and refreshing
I am trapped.
Stale as the chat history
Locked as if in a time warp
Restless.
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Image credits http://www.cutehappyquotes.com/

Photographie : Again

I picked up the camera once again.Photography is catching up with me.
Heres the second batch of my shots. Took them on July Tenth.
Click to enlarge and just in case if you missed the first batch here’s the link.

Critiques welcome!

Photographie

Everything looks so easy until you try doing it.
I had always thought of capturing images an easy task, one that requires not much skill but the right equipment. But today I realised how wrong my perception had been when I myself tried shooting, I had the right equipment : a Nikon D5100 of a friend lying around, but not the skills. After a lot of adjustments and help from Rohit I managed to get it right.
Photography requires not only the knowledge of balancing light, color and other technicalities but also a lot of patience, stillness and ability to appreciate the moment as it is.
Click on these to enlarge.

I am a bit hooked to photography.
Buying a camera is on my priority list now.