Morgued Gaze

How much I have wanted to appear
Cooler
Better
Smarter
Beautifuler
Though that version did not exist
Like one of the words above.

And
I fooled them
With
Those ornaments
Those well timed pauses
Those smart-phone gazes
Those hand gestures and big words
Those combed and neatly parted hair
Gelled with precision.

But
Not you
You looked at it
And then
You looked through it
Directly into my eyes
Passage to the soul they say
Brief contact of bareness
Direct touch
As if naked souls
Then
Averted
I closed the only pass
Eyelids.
Timings are important
When visiting
Even when its someones soul.

That brief exchange
And I lusted for more.
It was new thing to do
Adventurous than appearing anything
Even beautifuler.

Then it became a ritual
A purifying one
Looking into each others soul
Gaze strongly as possible
It sanitized everything
Evaporating the cosmetic
And be what we were
Until today.

Your eyes gazed coldly
Like the temperature of the morgue
You were lying in.
Today they looked emptyly
Even if nothing like that exists
I was not scared
I have never been of you
Except the first day
When I closed my eyelids
Today I close yours.